This is my life at a crossroads:
confused.
to say the least.
no one ever told us about this time in our lives. Things change when you turn 20, and they just get weirder when you get to 21.
At this point in my life, I feel a little... little to say the least.
I feel like I've made so many strides but I still feel stuck, like nothing has really been accomplished.
It's crazy for me not to go back to school. But to go back in January? Even more crazy.
I'm happy taking my time and taking things slowly. I just wish the rest of the world would slow down for a minute. It's like every monday suddenly becomes friday. Woah, woah, woah.
Woah.
Thanksgiving was a nice break though.
It was really good to see all of the fam and get to finally talk through everything with my mother.
...not that anything was decided or accomplished...
One other thing about this time in life is that it doesn't help that people keep dying left and right.
And it hasn't end there.
But it's not just death that's happening, it's life too. It's learning to deal with people that have moved on
and being able to you, yourself move on.
I feel like at this point in life, is a state of change. A lot of my friends, and these are the smart ones, are on the verge of change. Big decisions need to be made. And you never read about this, or see a movie, or hear a song about this time. Maybe it's just the beginning.
So here's my blog, since no one else will write about what's going on now.
If you can't relate #sorryimnotsorry and get the fuck out.
To sum it all up, I'm thankful for my ma and pa, and step ma and pa, my brohans- how indivdually and uniquely annoying they each are, and my pain the ass sister that I love. My cutie pa-too-tie dogs. The good food I've always had the pleasure of enjoying. The warm houses I've always resided in and the education I have received. I've been given a lot off opportunity and I plan on making something out of that. It just may take longer than expected. The pay off however, will be better than I can even anticipate.
I COMPLETELY AGREE. Why does no one warn you that your life after twenty is going to feel like a constant transition? Or that things move like a fucking merry-go-round, except this amusement park ride we call life never slows down for you, you can’t get off, it only goes faster and then you throw up. You throw up lots, and lots. And sometimes it’s green.
ReplyDeleteWe’re young and REALLY, REALLY RESTLESS. We want thing fast, then faster.. then FASTER and WOMPier. But no one tells you that in the middle of the dancing, the pretty lights, the good feelings we get sometimes, and the massive amount of herbal remedies (and glitter) we smoke that it’ll be hard. That friends will leave, people will make terrible choices, that family get sick and hurt and friends fall in love and get we’ll get our hearts broken in so many more ways than we ever thought. And it’ll happen over and over again. Where are the tools I was supposed to have for this? Why did no one prepare us to say goodbye? Because we do it every effing day and it never seems to get any easier. Sometimes, I feel like I was thrown to the wolves, and when I reached for my sword I came up with a toothpick.
The friends around me are moving in a thousand different directions and there’s nothing I can do to keep them close. And it’s only going to get weirder from here.
I WISH I WAS BETTER AT ACCEPTING LIFE.
Maybe we take drugs to feel, maybe we do them to not feel at all for a little while. Maybe we do them for friends maybe we do them because of friends. Maybe we shouldn’t do them at all. But we do.
And no matter what you do and no matter how much glitter you ingest, YOU’LL NEVER PUKE RIBBONS. Things like puking just are NOT that pretty, no matter what you do.
So what do we do about it? The answer is simple: NOTHING.
There’s nothing we can do about how fast life move or thinking we aren’t prepared for it. You just have to gear up, glitter in hand and run full force and jump off that cliff and hope that when you hit the water, you don’t hit the rocks at the bottom. All we can do is take life as it comes and keep our heads above water. Just remember IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE BAD. We keep love and friends close in our hearts because we can’t keep them physically close all the time (separation anxiety 101). We love a lot because we have a lot to give. LOVE EVERYDAY. Take life as it comes and voice yourself when you’re feeling low because there is someone who’s feeling the same way as you. Find support in your friends and love them back because they’re just as confused as you are from this merry-go-round.
The leap of faith off that cliff can be, and will be super exhilarating. So, remember to scream, laugh, and have a ton of fun.
Hug your friends, love as much as you can, and smile every single day.
If I could like that I would.
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