Well guess what, it's been sao long and I don't give a fuck.
Don't piss your pants- I'm not like shutting down Fuck Yab- but like I'm sorry I'm not sorry.
ANYWAY now that that repetitious intro is over, let's get cracking:
So let's see... what's new in the life of yab? Oh well I will tell you.
So I had my break up, with my fake internet boyfriend but I got over that rather quickly aka I jumped back on tinder.
Now my first go around on tinder was about a year ago. I never had any intention of meeting any of the men I talked to- IRONIC BECAUSE I NEVER DID EVEN WHEN I WANTED TO- (I digress). It was all for my musings.
Now Idk, I am toying with the idea of meeting men from this application but like my social anxiety is not allowing for it. SO after many times of deleting and readding and deleting and redownloading tinder, I have finally deleted it period.
Tinder is also highly questionable.
Like you can say what you want- I've said what I want- but it was created as a purely physical thing. It's like a meat market. That's not to say some people aren't looking for more than a hook up but stilll... HIGHLY QUESTIONABLE.
But I deleted it finally, in my therapists office because she told me it is important to sit with your loneliness and it can sometimes lead to a great joy in the end.
Getting my quick fix from tinder, emotional or physical attraction, is just that- a quick fix. It lets me prolong my feelings of needing someone and being alone.
Tinder is not the only thing that blocks out loneliness.
Sometimes driving in the car, thinking and thinking about things, I start to get that lonely feeling. I immediately pick up my phone and call everyone in my favorite list hoping someone will pick up. When no one does I feel panicky and call my mom usually, or fucking anyone that will listen.
My therapist told me to try and sit through that loneliness because it can be followed by a good feeling.
So I have been trying to do that. Coincidentally, I've been listening to a lot of The Script,
WAIT WHY IS THIS GOOD?!?
because it really is followed by a good feeling...
I was driving listening to Breakeven and really missing my fucking stupid ex internet boyfriend. I was so upset for about .5 seconds.
Wondering if he even cares that it's all over, if he's already got some new internet girl friend, if he ever thinks about me or cries about it like, how upset is he? And will I seriously never talk to him again? Ever...
But then I thought this, he was just the beginning.
There are so so much better things ahead of me. That was just an opening to a doorway. He's not the end of anything!!
And it sucks that I miss him because I do. I really fucking do. But I have such great things ahead of me. I'm also not really alone, I have a whole contact list of favorites who I love so much and I know they love me.
So like, I am woman hear me roar.
And it's important to feel feelings.
I am so scared for the generation after me that is just constantly bombarded by technology. I'm afraid they won't feel real feelings. They'll just have internet relationships their whole life and not know what it's like to have emotions...
I am really trying to get away from that, personally...
So I'm off tinder. And I've entered into the real world!
Last weekend I was out talking to new REAL LIFE PEOPLE the whole time.
Once I do it, I'm like, "oh yeah people are ok... I like them."
But it's so easy to get scared of people and hide on the internet or in my bed.
Especially this week... which I've done a little bit...
BECAUSE I HATE EVERYTHING AND I WANT TO EAT EVERYTHING
I'm on my period and I have been a total nut case all week. Mostly just internally... and I've been emotionally abusive to my mom...per usual.
This was probably the worst week I could have tested out this whole loneliness thing because I am already an emotional train wreck...........
Like being a girl is just not fair. My life and emotions were totally fine a week ago and now I'm just like, give me a panini, a donut and a smoothie and srsly gtfa from me. Or there will be teeth marks somewhere.
So what have we learned today?
GET THE FUCK OFF TINDER.
I mean unless you don't have social anxiety.
In that case question everyone's motives and FYI "let's hangout" Apparently just means let's hook up. So if some guy is like "let's hang out" There will be no hanging out... unless you mean naked... then there yes, will be penis' hanging out.
~Life is a beach, so play in the sand. ~
OH MY GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME I FORGOT.
I was going to end the post there butttt waiiiittt a second!
So, there was a blood moon the other night! But if you are on Instagram I'm sure you already knew.... lol shut the fuck up everyone with your shitty moon pics.
But the Blood moon, aside from meaning new ware wolfs are transitioning...., is a huge time of change!!!
And how fitting because I just completely revamped myself take a look:
Watch out world (Watch out Yab...) NEW CHANGES ARE ON THE HORIZON SO HIGH HO SILVER HERRE WE GO!